Monday, April 25, 2011

Be Beautiful Now

Last week I was moving files over from an old computer when I came across this photo.  My computer skills have always been a little haphazard, so I'm not really sure when this was taken. It was probably sometime in 2004, when my internet-influenced fat loss journey began.   Whatever you may think about the plethora of programs being sold on the internet, this one urged me to do something very effective- take a before photo.  No bikini in this one!  I post the picture here because I want anyone reading this to know what the woman in that picture knew.

She thought she was already beautiful.

Recently my sister told me about a conversation she had years ago with our Mom.  My sister was feeling distressed over her own looks and Mom told her to be beautiful now.  She said that my sister should choose her clothes, make up, and hairstyle based on what would make her feel the most beautiful in that moment, no matter what she happened to weigh.  I can say that she has always followed that advice, and as a result I have always found my sister lovely to look at, and from the reaction of people around her she brings beauty with her wherever she goes.  Of course now that I think of it, the way she treats people, with kindness and genuine interest, certainly gives the impression she makes a special glow.

Be Beautiful Now


The process of physical transformation is full of paradoxes like this one:  In order to change profoundly, and get all the way to your goal, you must accept yourself completely in this moment.  As I come closer and closer to the weight, size, and measurements I have chosen for my goal, have to become even more accepting of myself in order to avoid going completely nuts!  My rational mind thinks that with all of the skills and experience I've earned over the past seven years the the push to the finish line should get easier and easier.  I know how to eat, how to lift, how to move, and even how to think.  Indeed those processes do get easier.

Go ahead and learn the skills that lead to physical transformation.  They do work and they will serve you well, but they may not take you all the way to your goal if your greatest challenges are emotional.  If I have to name the greatest emotional obstacle it is fear: the fear that when you arrive at your chosen destination the imagined reward won't be enough.  That perfect measurements won't equal universal acceptance.  I think the essential purpose of this blog has been to help me figure out what in the world I've really been after all these years, and I thought I found it in the concept of perfect physical well being, something I thought I could go out and create for myself.  But as I get nearer to that place physically, it becomes abundantly clear that it's never been about how I look.  It's about how I feel.

Back to the Woman in the Picture


Even in those days, if I did my hair, put on my makeup (which I happen to enjoy doing), and wore my favorite color, I felt beautiful.  That was, and is, my secret.  So as I step onto the fast track toward certification and the realization of the physical goal of 18% body fat and 113 pounds (Ha! why does that sound so mundane after what I've just written?), I have two vital jobs.  I have to feel the fear of success and let it pass thorough me without blocking it with food, and I must go ahead and choose to be beautiful now.  Go ahead and try it.  You don't have to tell anyone what you're up to, and it may end up being your secret too.