Have you ever taken a good look at what you were eating, then stopped to ask, "What was I thinking?" Good heavens, all that white food. The day before yesterday, I looked at my dinner and it was chicken breast, yogurt, and cottage cheese. The only color in front of me was the cinnamon I'd sprinkled on my yogurt. I realized at that moment that I'm a fraud.
Let me explain. On Wednesday I passed my ACE certification exam, quite handily I might add, although I nearly bonked mentally after question 100 because I had only consumed a little protein and fat free dairy two and a half hours earlier. Do you know how challenging it was to unlearn everything I've read and practiced nutrition wise for the last three years in order to match my answers to what's recommended by the ADA and "My Food Pyramid?"
Here's the dilemma in a nutshell. What the heck am I going to tell my clients about eating? And why am I restricting my eating so much anyway? Yesterday, I bought the the dress I'm going to wear for my talk at St. Mary's. It's a size 2 Calvin Klein, which happens to be a size smaller than the dress I wore at my last talk, and here's what made me smack my forehead at my own foolishness. It's the same manufacturer, and I weigh exactly the same, but I'm a full size smaller. What the heck am I doing trying to grind my scale weight down to 108, or even 113 for that matter? Do I really want to be a size zero? Is that what I'm after?
Get this. The title of my talk is:
Acceptance- The Key to Transformation
Fraud! Fake! Fony! (Oops, sorry, "phony" I just dig alliteration. Or is that consonance?")
How can I possibly give this group of incredibly smart women a talk on acceptance, when I'm still desperately chasing the Hollywood ideal? I remember three years ago when I was getting ready to submit my pictures for TT Transformation 2, a part of me hesitated because I thought I was still fat. Even now when I can easily fit into size 10 clothing from the girls department, (no seriously, not Juniors but Girls, I can literally shop at Justice) I'm still trying to starve off that last bit of fat around my lower hips and thighs. Now I'm beginning to see why.
If I convince myself that I can't start my career as a fitness trainer and transformation coach until I have a perfect media ready body, I have an excuse to never start at all. Too late. The cat's out of the bag, and I've begun. And who are the people who are my first clients? Not a single one of them wants a Media Body. Not one.
I remember the first time I walked into the gym with a Turbulence Training workout in my hand. I got teased by some of the old timers back then for my "internet workout." One of them even called me "Rocky". I was a little bit ashamed of my body back then, and when I looked in the mirror I felt kind of ridiculous, the overweight housewife trying to train like an athlete, but I had a plan, and nothing was going to stop me from following it. Actually, these days when I look around the gym, the guys with the best physiques all seem to have a printed workout with them too! Do you know why I think that's so? In order to keep improving you really do have to change up your workouts, and if you advance your workouts often enough, it's highly unlikely that you're going to have them memorized!
So now I really do have to turn around and face the fear that I've been running from. Even though I have maintained my fat loss for over two years now, I am afraid that if I stop actively dieting, the fat will creep back. That's fine. Now is the time to accept myself at the healthy weight of 118 with a BMI of 22.29 at age 47. Right now.
What is a great body? It's the body that makes it possible for you to fulfill your dreams. I earned my Zumba license two weeks ago, and the training was packed. Do you know what I saw? Women and a few men from about age 20 to 60 of every shape and size, and this wasn't a class, nearly everyone there intended to teach. I guess I thought that starving and carving myself down to what I thought was ideal would make me worthy of leading others. I also thought that a perfectly slender body would make me invulnerable to criticism. Today I realize that the only criticism that holds me back is my own.
So I'm still in for the challenge, but I'll do it for the joy of continuing to build strength and mastery. We all have different gifts, and I will happily admire those who can achieve the beautiful line and definition of the truly lean, yes, I'm sure I'll envy them a little too!
Oh! So what am I going to eat? That's easy. It's what I call the volume pyramid with the base being vegetables, then lean protein, fruit, whole grains and dairy if well tolerated, and healthy fats coming from organic butter, coconut, and olive oil. Sweets? Only as occasional enhancements if they don't act as triggers for overeating. Makes me leap out of bed at dawn and glow.
Well there it is, the long post that signals the end of dieting for me. Feels kind of like a birthday.