Sugar got its hooks into me again two days ago.
I woke up with this vague feeling of malaise. Not the flu, or a cold, but that strange itchy, achy, subtly angry feeling. (Oh yes, it's shark week.)
I thought that coffee would be the cure, that I would shake the feeling off and be bright eyed and bushy tailed within the hour.
It was not to be. Instead, I fired up the stove without planning my eating first, I overate at breakfast, and it all went downhill from there. There is a little monster inside of me that sleeps until I wake it up with sugar or overeating, and once it's awake, oh boy does it want to run in circles knocking into and tearing down all of the confidence I've built up in the preceding days.
Sometimes knowing what to do is not nearly enough. You can have incredibly powerful goals and strategies in place, and simply lose the will to use them. One of the paradoxes of transformation is that as you change your body and gain more self esteem, you will begin to pursue goals and discover opportunities that are above and beyond your old comfort level. Lately, by getting the chance to be involved in exciting projects and work I truly enjoy, I've been coming up against a serious fear of letting people down, including myself of course. This is the biggest irony of a happy life.
Getting What You Always Wanted Can Scare You Half To Death.
I happened to me when I met the love of my life, got married, and became pregnant. I hit the life path jackpot, and then was consumed by the fear that I would let my husband and my baby down. So I started eating. Eating a lot more than I should have. Thank God that I had a healthy baby in spite of my mistakes, but now I feel powerful drives to make the same kinds of mistakes again.
So much has been eloquently written about self sabotage and the fear of success, but sometimes honesty is more important than originality. Besides, I'm pretty sure that anyone who goes on this physical transformation journey will have days like I had on Thursday, and I intend that you can triumph in spite of them, or even because of what you learn from them. I haven't missed a training session, I ate what I committed to yesterday, and I have a plan for today. By the way, that plan is my weekly fast from breakfast to breakfast. You may notice the high fat/low carb content, and that is to put the sugar monster back to sleep. Once again, I am so not a nutritionist, but this menu does stop the madness for me.
Later, I will write about what I could have done instead of overeating, but the most important point I have to make is that you can pull out of a nosedive and keep flying toward your goal. I guess I just had to land for a little while and take on some better fuel!